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Nebadonia December 12, 2005

Marin TM Group—Mill Valley, California—U.S.A.



  1. (The Reality of Spirit)
  2. (Human Complexity)
  3. (Being Lost, and the Power of Play)
  4. (Spiritual Fatigue, and Being Still)
  5. (The Essence of Play: Your Guardian Angel)
  6. (Self Denial of Fun) (Guilt)
  7. (In-here and Out-there)

Prayer: Dear Mother Spirit and Michael, Mother, tonight we would like to celebrate Your contribution to life on Urantia, by recalling it was Your breath that breathed the spark of life into the as-yet inert protoplasm assembled by Your Life Carrier Sons. Then it was the active guidance of Your Adjutants of Mind/Spirit, daughter of the Infinite Spirit, that gave direction to the evolution of life over those millions and millions of years. And as each of us individually recapitulates evolution, it is these self-same dimensions of Your mind that provide the differential urge for our minds to mature, to grow in intuition, knowledge, understanding, courage, curiosity, companionship, worship, and wisdom. And so we thank You most humbly. Amen.

NEBADONIA: My dear sons, this is your Mother, Nebadonia. Let Me reply and say, you’re most welcome! Michael and I often use the word delight, for that is the closest English approximation to your effect on Us. You are a small beacon of spiritual light glowing in Our firmament; you are all so many individual stars, each with your own spiritual radiance bursting out, glowing, right from God’s original creation that was, and continues to become, you. We marvel at this gift of our Father’s, both your personality—unique in all creation—and then, like a double-star, the fragment of our Father that comes indwell your mind and be your closest of companions all through your human life, looking forward to the day when the two of you become one single being of eternal life. This is as perceptible to Us and to Our celestial children as physical light is to your human eyes.

(The reality of spirit)

So much of our effort through these lessons has been trying to give you from as many different angles and viewpoints as We can, the reality of spirit. Because We know for many of you it is so transparent, so much a part of your life, that you entertain notions it does not even exist. What you are learning is that spirit is not a realm apart to itself. It is the originator, the instigator and the pattern of the material universe. The material realm, created by God, shows His perfection in following near absolute laws of mathematical rigidity. And though you cannot observe all of these laws from your circumscribed solar position in the cosmos, still they are fairly uniform throughout all existence. Matter/energy is pretty much the same and follows the same laws of causality. And so once materialization reaches the point of responding to local or linear gravity, its permutations can be foreseen and exactly predicted.

Spirit is very contra-distinct from this in being creative--very literally, something new bursting into time and space—new patterns, new combinations, wholly original creations of your human personality. Worked out through the mediation of your mind, and use of your physical body, they result in those creations you call art. But even more thoroughly as you go through your day to day routines, We’ve informed you there is a constant creativity going on, involved in your perception of reality. You are co-creating what you experience as the world by interpreting all the hundreds of thousands of bits pouring into your sense-organs every moment, interpreting them and creating from all these, the single phenomena you know as your life. This is the power of spirit, the spirit which is an intrinsic part of your personality, that you are imbued with from God. This is why We say you can think of yourselves as little nodules, little focal points of God out here in time and space, set free by Him to experience your unique life--for yourself and for Him; and for Michael and I.

This is the family you are part of. We are your most direct spiritual parents; God is a father to us all. Then too there is the Second Person of Deity, the Eternal Son, the first derived Person, who contacts and experiences us all through His realm of Spirit. The Third Person of Deity, the Infinite Spirit, creates and promulgates the Cosmic Mind, which I, as a daughter, funnel down to you so that through Me, you enjoy and use the human kind of mind. Just think! All this implies there are many kinds of mind, many dimensions, many levels--from the planetary, to the System, to the Constellation, to the Local Universe; then out into the galaxy and the Cosmic Mind. Beyond time and space there is the mind and the presence of the Infinite Spirit in the Central Universe, and on Paradise.

It is the same with Spirit. Each of you possesses spirit. It is part of you. It is part of everything you have known your whole life. If it appears invisible to you it is because it works so well. It is for many people indistinguishable from their powers of mind, and We realize how strange it must seem for you to realize that what you have always known as your own mind—your thinking, your reasoning, your memory, your association, your understanding, your feelings of thankfulness—these are all partly Me. I’m part of your thoughts, part of your very ability to think, and reason, and perceive, to associate and understand, to be curious. You’re intrinsically minded as a personality, yet these are extra-material dimensions of My own that act as transformers to augment and increase your own abilities. As you progress onward from being a human being, you will outgrow these Adjutants of Mind/Spirit and slowly, gradually transfer over to the reception and the use of the Cosmic Mind of the Infinite Spirit.

Once you achieve a Morontia body in the next phase of your life, the material—if you wish to think of it as such--you will be composed of is of such a subtle nature that the spiritual part of your life is much more obvious. What We call Morontia mota, or laws of the Morontia realm—spiritual laws—will also become more obvious. More and more the laws of spirit become very much like the physics and chemical axioms that you learned in high school and college. They will be that apparent, and capable of being understood. You already have a toe in this realm. You are already partly Morontia beings, and this is your soul. This is the spiritual record of your experiences. This is being…not exactly recorded, for it goes deeper than that. Your Thought Adjuster is a pre-personal fragment of God that literally takes on your experience, and, being pure spirit, experiences you and your life from God’s perspective.

(Human complexity)

Are you feeling very complex about now? (laughter) Well, that’s because you are. A human is this combination of impersonal material that follows its own chemical and physical laws, with a physical brain that begins capable of thought of an animal nature. At a certain stage of evolution, planetary and individual, human beings transcend the mere animal level of life and become receptive to My Adjutants of worship and wisdom, and take on these extra dimensions of self-awareness, the ability to reflect and be thankful. So as a personality develops its spiritual powers of creativity, they get to the point, generally about five years old, where they are capable of making their first, genuine free-will decision. They have just stepped out of relative cause and effect—however alive and reflexively-responsive--and become creative to the point where they have a choice. Their own being can come up with a unique alternative to everything else composing or surrounding them. At that instant, a fragment of God appears within their mind.

The basic function of the human type of personality is to unite these somewhat disparate elements. As all of you who have struggled to achieve unity within yourselves know, these different elements can be pulling in very contrary, opposite directions from each other. Because of the Lucifer Rebellion there was a thwarting of very Divine plans for the establishment and evolution of a world-wide culture--where eventually every child would be born to parents you could think of as pure saints. Imagine what kind of a world that would be. Urantia, having the history it has had, has only served to exacerbate the normal differences between the more physical urges and the higher spiritual ideals, until you often feel rightfully torn by these conflicting desires.

But as Michael said last week, nothing you are composed of, or have ever experienced , was or is now superfluous. We invite you to realize, in everything of your past or your present life, the meaning within even the most contentious or self-destructive moments. Remember, My children, you started from zero experience. Acquired cultural maturity is passed on from generation to generation. It is not something you arrive at fully mature as an angel or other Celestial being. Every human child starts anew. Even under the best circumstances he or she takes many, many years to achieve the culture of his or her parents; and then, hopefully, evolves the whole society one step further in their own life. This is what We see in your soul. We see the enormous amount of struggle that you have alternately enjoyed and suffered, and then forgotten for the most part. You’ve forgotten all those thousands of days as a child, as an adolescent, and how what you take for granted now, and has become unconscious; every little step had to be tried and learned. If you could only see how enormous your souls are. And so We tease you with the very real fact that some day you will. This is the true glory of the Morontia life, something you will remember for all eternity—those first days of encountering your own soul, and your Thought Adjuster—your faithful companion who has been so much a part of your life already. Imagine, My children, along with being able to see the lower forms of the angels, being able to see so much of each others’ souls too.

This is the glory that awaits you, yet can be yours at least partly now, as soon as you are able to see each other this way. It is not so much a doing as a not-doing; not so much as looking in a certain way, as relaxing inwardly with the self confidence to see; not so much listening intently to where your own intention gets in the way, but opening yourself with the courage to hear what another has to offer. This is so subtle, even so ironic, that We can’t point at it any other way except to suggest you tune in to a qualitative enhancement of your perceptions, and trust this, follow where this leads. You will know you are on the right path when the people in your life seem to emerge more and more, and get a greater and greater qualitative depth to their being.

This is that success that actually supplants faith and patience, and is a reward in itself. This is the spiritual growth of beauty, and truth, and goodness, and the glory that you will be co-creating it by projecting it out there as love and trust. Does this sound like something you might like to be involved in? (All: Yes)

You are fortunate, My sons. Most of this is, and has been now, coming true for you. So Michael and I thank you for the courage to try Our suggestions, to cherish Our insights, and be game for the adventure. Indeed you are a very composite, complex kind of being, and Our only wish would be that you could enjoy it, ever more. Some day you will have the rather ironic appreciation of how blessed it is to start at the very bottom of personal existence, lower even than the angels, yet being the kind of being who has had a hand, you own personal hand, in every step, and stage, and phase of your own evolution toward pure spirit.

But I tease you enough with what is to come. If you have any questions or comments this evening, that is something we can do right now.

Student: Mother, is there any guidance or suggestions about how to run my life—what to do in my life? I seem to get lost every now and again.

(Being lost, and the power of play)

NEBADONIA: My son, I would want you to ask yourself, looking back on these periods of being lost, and reflecting on them, if you can see by this reflection what was happening. Perhaps for a period of time you more or less went into neutral, or completely stalled out and simply had to wait until something came along. Sometimes you go beyond your projected plans, either through success--by fulfilling some ideal, something you had imagined doing--or through what you call failure--some heart-felt project utterly collapsing and leaving you sitting there in the ruins of your once so sweet dreams.

I give you this viewpoint to see your life more organically, not as some railroad engine on a track—however perfectly straight or gracefully curved; gliding along the lowlands or powerfully climbing into the mountains--but still mechanical. Think first of an organic entity—plant or animal—whatever you feel like envisioning: something subject to seasons. But immediately we have to skip the plants and the animals and the seasons of the earth, and look at the seasons of your soul. If you remember, we did this once before, and talked about a Springtime of new ideas, a Summer of growth, a Fall of reaping the harvest; then here comes the Winter. For this is unavoidable on all three levels of your being—physical, mental, and spiritual. What you described as being lost might well be the spiritual fatigue you encounter from time to time. Spiritual energy is real. You absorb it from so many sources, too many to mention right now, but you use it up, and so the value seems to go, not entirely out of your life, but certainly diminishing for awhile. Bereft of value, you are truly lost. What a saving grace it is to recognize these moments, for you have all had various series of these through your life, if you can recall. But you can recognize them as such, and think, I’m now in a spiritual slump! OK!

Here is the knack, now, to not compound being lost by over-worrying about it, having worry on top of everything else, tearing and abrading at yourself to get going. It is a question of wisdom, C, because it is counter-intuitive, that when you are lost, the best thing to do is to enjoy it. (chuckle) You chuckle because you realize immediately this takes some nerve. (Yeah!) But what you might need most of all… Are you ready? (Yes!) What you might need most of all, My son, is to play. If you recall; remember what you‘ve read about the Reversion Directors, the Celestial hosts who welcome you on the Mansion Worlds and teach you how to play by reverting to some previous, more youthful phase of your life? This is how you recoup spirit. Do something frivolous. Pick up some hobby you might have had as a teenager. If you’re a craftsman, just play with your tools for awhile—get them out and look at them, maybe clean them up. Do you see how this is counter-intuitive for so many? When they are in these spiritual doldrums, and value seems to be slipping away, they go into a kind of panic and worry and struggle all the harder to grasp what only runs away the more you grasp at it. You need to let go. You need to take a break. You need to play. Look life right in the eye and say: OK, I’m wise now to the way you operate. I’m going to take a break and have some fun. And I trust you’ll come up with something--or help me come up with something.

For after all, this is life itself. You have to remember: you are not keeping your own heart beating. Does this help you, My son?

Student: Yes, it’s very clear. The period when I was stumped, I recognize now as that…being stuck, or being in neutral, being stuck in gear, stuck out of gear, stuck in the mud: and it’s not like that. I recognize now that they’re not permanent, because they do go away after awhile, I do get back on track. And I recognize that I’m not lost in the spiritual sense, because that’s always there, the direction is always there. It’s just, it seems like all of a sudden I recognize I’m not doing anything that I think I should be doing. And I recognize now that most of it, I’m doing it anyway. I am doing what I should be doing. That’s the best I can put it.

(Spiritual fatigue, and being still)

NEBADONIA: Keep in mind, My son, that your spirit every now and then senses the need for a change in direction. Perhaps something that was spiritually sustaining has suddenly run out--you can exhaust a certain lifestyle. Sometimes your companions around you change. And so you can be truly lost for awhile. Your spirit can be so fatigued, you loose value. This just signals a pause to be open and curious, be still while you cast about for the next, best direction to head off into. And this may not come for awhile. But you don’t want to be desperately dashing off helter-skelter in just any old direction. You want to play, and renew yourself, and wait for the right direction to show itself.

One example of this is very familiar to you all: falling in love on the rebound. (laughter of recognition) You loose a loving companion, and before you regain who you are, by yourself, you grasp at another companion, perhaps too soon. These are times when your playing can bring you back to yourself; it restores your spirit. The Reversion Directors direct you to a reverting, only very consciously now. You’re not regressing, you’re very consciously deciding to pick up that guitar you put away five years ago. In other words, you don’t want get too serious in your playing. Just make it genuine: let’s have fun.

Student: Thank You, Mother. I’m giving up desperation and worry about any being stuck. It looks like the new challenge is: sincere play.

NEBADONIA: Yes, My son, that is not an oxymoron—sincere, genuine fun--light-hearted and purposeless--doing something just for itself. So, good luck! (laughter) Have fun! (Thank You, Mother.) You’re very welcome; and be in My Love.

Student: Dear Nebadonia, I would ask you to help me to be more aware of my Guardian Angel over these next few days, and really, from now on, help me to be more serviceable, and lighthearted in my future struggles. Thank You.

(The essence of play: your Guardian Angel)

NEBADONIA: Well V, you can take what I told C to a twenty-four hour basis. What wait to get lost? It’s always nice to use your wisdom first, to set aside part of your day to allow for spontaneous play. Try to come up with something new rather than just falling into the habit of old entertainment. The spirit is so refreshed in being creative in little ways--little playful ways.

I’ll let you in on an open secret that I intuit a lot of you already know. You don’t want to draw too sharp a line between work and play. Go to your work each day with the spirit, what has God given me to play with today? And note too, that for many, the deepest, most satisfying playtimes might appear to someone else to be very serious.

So the essence of play is, that which is fulfilling in itself. It’s not that it has no purpose, but that its purpose is itself. Your not going somewhere so much as you are constantly arriving: an enhancement of now. So, keeping in mind that you’re not going to draw any sharp line between work and play, all the same, be aware of and appreciate those times that you have provided for your leisure. Some folks fall into such habits of fun, largely what you call entertainment--in which you are more or less inactive, passive. I think the term you use is couch-potato. Be aware of how much time this takes up in your life, for this can be a very deadening kind of habit. Any relapse into this kind of dull consciousness is only a greater spiritual drain, and not invigorating at all.

So V, in your coming days, heading off into this new adventure now, see if you can conscientiously find and recognize those moments when you can have fun, when you can enjoy your leisure. Does this help?

Student: Yes, Mother Spirit, and I would also ask to be more aware of my Guardian Angel. I understand that’s one way to be more in tune with my Guardians, is to be lighthearted. Is that correct?

NEBADONIA: Yes, very much so! It is something She enjoys. Your Guardian Angel shares My Viewpoint that this lightheartedness is so nourishing to your spirit. There’s something unique in creativity, and playfulness, a kind of moment to moment triumph that feeds your stressed-out soul at times. This is what She truly loves to see you engaged in.

She’s not easy to communicate with, in the verbal sense, but She appreciates very much any thoughts, any conversation you care to send Her way. Her response will be mostly felt as emotional. This is more Her language that She shares with you, as She seeks to augment and intensify these triumphs of creativity and fun. Just as I am part of your mind, She is part of these moments that teach you what really works--and has eternal import. This is Her domain; this is what She guards. So send Her a smile every now and then, and a heartfelt, thank-You! (I will, I am!--laughs) And be in My Love. (Thank You)

Student: Yes, Mother, the idea of playfulness. Unfortunately in my household, my playfulness does not get looked upon with any favor. But I am playful with my daughter, and I try to be playful with others, but they have a hard time being playful, or even having fun. But I remember on Thanksgiving weekend when my son was down, and we went to play basketball, we were playing and something happened within me where I just couldn’t stop laughing. And I was laughing, and it wasn’t like a hysterical kind of laughing, it was just laughing from within my being….? Something different. And it was real refreshing and healing. And I realized how much weight I had been carrying from being around people who are not playful. But it was so releasing to experience that. And I can see the importance of allowing that to happen, because sometimes we can get so caught up in this spiritual work that we forget to have spiritual fun. And having the balance of both is so important, I do try to reiterate that with the people in my life--that I get as much pleasure sitting in the park with the sun on my face, and watching geese fly before my eyes, or watching two butterflies dance in front of me. That’s my fun! That’s my release! And so, its so important for me, and for others, and I wish the people in the circle of my life could appreciate that as well.

(Self denial of fun)

NEBADONIA: Yes D, it’s both interesting and sad to try to understand the various mechanisms by which people deny themselves this joy of living--with themselves, by creating and playing within themselves; or in watching those two butterflies and noticing how much joy and playfulness there is in God’s creativity. This is especially so in the animal kingdom around mating time. When you see an animal making an absolute fool of himself, going into the most outrageously silly dance, you know there is courting going on.

And so you wonder, why is it that people deliberately, or only somewhat consciously, deny themselves this? Perhaps because their spiritual part--their playful part in there--knows and suggests they should be playful, they feel guilty for not knowing how. Or they feel they must pay some kind of spiritual penance for the way they are living their life. It’s a very delicate subject to go into with respect to another, for it partakes of being judgmental.


But people do prohibit themselves from having fun, largely through various forms of guilt, either feeling they are not entitled to fun, or that having fun will diminish their motivation to accomplish the very serious things they set out to do. And so they occasionally find themselves in the situation C mentioned, of being lost, or depressed, and turning away from the one thing that could save them.

This is why Michael and I, and Welmek before us, proposed the radical notion of not accepting even the tiniest little bit of guilt. For guilt is mostly a kind of inner self-motivation technique, a way of driving yourself, that consumes so much energy very little is left over for what you would do. It is a very deep spiritual wisdom that invites you to not indulge any guilt at all. A moment ago is past. You exist now! What you do the next moment can be a function of your free will, unimpeded by guilt. You simply must find a better way to do what you know and feel you should do, a better way of doing what your heart tells you is right. You do not need an excuse to play. You can realize the goodness right within it, and accept this joy that is its own excuse for being.

However you may help those around you achieve these insights, will be the greatest of blessings for them. But keep it light! Teasing is always the best way, even if you have to be a bit of a fool yourself.

Student: I see the looks of disdain already. (laughs) But what I fasten upon too--about the idea of why people don’t have fun, or allow themselves, is that they keep their guard up. In that sense, they don’t feel secure within themselves to be vulnerable, to be a clown, because they are so guarded.

NEBADONIA: This is very true around others, but the shame of it is that, so often these individuals cannot have fun with themselves. They feel guilty about indulging some little hobby, simply because it’s frivolous. People can get so goal oriented, and have so many benchmarks they feel they need to achieve before they can start having fun, they just keep postponing it. Meanwhile, they’re not paying due respect to the fact that having fun, like any other activity, is something you need to learn, even if it’s just listening to music, or going dancing, or playing ball with other folks, or just taking a walk in the woods by yourself. Many folks arrive at middle age and never have the realization they haven’t yet learned how to play. It’s so foreign to them. They’ve spent their whole life so far getting to the point where they could play, and never learned how. I mean this in a spiritual sense of leaning how to play, as well as physically and mentally.

You are correct, My son, anything new takes a bit of nerve; and you can only help them by being the example. You may have to be a reversion director yourself, and see if they can’t remember something, even if you have to go all the way back to playing with dolls in the sandbox.

Student: And that idea of self-forgetfulness comes to mind. Thank You.

NEBADONIA: You’re very welcome. Keep up the good fight for having fun! (laughter)

(In-here and out-there)

Well, My very dear, multifaceted, multi-element kind of beings, I’m happy to have you as My children. Michael and I are blessed to see you whole, to see you in your completeness moment to moment, to see the enormity of your souls and the glory of your achievements as a very unique nodule of experience God created; blessed with self-awareness, and then doubly blessed, at times, with self-forgetfulness. I’ve always enjoyed that saying of a Japanese painter, who when asked how he achieved such great art, simply replied that he practiced painting his bamboo for many years until he finally became the bamboo, and let it paint itself. Or the archer who suggested you let the arrow release itself. Interesting, is it not--feeling for that demarcation between in-here and out-there, between you, your hand, and the brush or the arrow?

Will you, won’t you join the dance? (Yes!) Let’s go! And be in My Love. (All say, thank You.) Good evening.