Serena; Sondjah - Slipping Into Depression - Aug 28, 2005 - Salt Lake City, UT

SLC Utah Teaching Mission Group Meeting #34

At Marshall’s Home

Present: Mary Livingston, MC; Warren Smith (Marshall)

08/28/05

Teacher(s):

Serena and Sondjah: T/R Marshall

Depression

Serena: Greetings, my dear children. There are many here amongst us tonight, even though just the two of you mortals sit in this circle. I am Serena and have thoroughly enjoyed listening to your conversation. There is one here with us who is highly desirous of taking the stage, or the podium shall I say, and receiving any questions that Mary is seeking answers to. I will now leave you in the capable hands of mansion world teacher and Melchizedek, Sondjah. My peace and love goes with you, dear brother and sister.

Sondjah: Good evening, my two friends and precious ones. I am honored to be here amongst you, for as you know that when any two gather together, Michael is certainly there with you. I am working with a number of mortals on Urantia, and as you may know, I made my Teaching Mission group debut on this planet as a visiting teacher back on April eighteenth of last year in Northern Colorado, and am still a frequent visitor to your world… back and forth shall we say. This T/R here is quite familiar with a number of my lessons, and we have spent a good deal of time together, beginning last summer in the mountains of Utah. I feel that we have established a fine connection here tonight, therefore shall we begin, Mary, with whatever you may desire to throw at me.

Mary: May I ask if you are familiar with Ahma Niden?

Sondjah: I am. We have met, and shall I say, we have been trained in different areas but nonetheless we have crossed paths before. Ahma Niden has been more active upon your planet within the Correcting Time and Michael’s Mission, as I have been more active upon, and I won’t get into the specific system or planet, the mansion worlds as a mansion world teacher

Mary: I do not actually recall the time frame, but it was about a year ago. I was very frustrated in that I could not seem to create, or co-create the life I wanted. In my frustration I asked Ahma Niden why this was so, and he said that I needed self-mastery. At the time my level of growth was such that I thought that he meant self-discipline and I recently had an insight where I have come to understand that self-mastery was really knowing my soul-self, that my developing soul, the spirit within me carries the divine pattern, and as I am consciously trying to vibrate or resonate with that pattern I have inner harmony. But when I get pulled into my material realities in dealing with my material world and I lose sight of who I truly am, the stress sets in, and with stress comes depression, and so forth and so on. Am I grasping what self-mastery is from a celestial perspective.

Sondjah: Only partially, Mary. However, your desire to grasp the concept of self-mastery and begin implementing such self-mastery into your life begins with DESIRING and WILLING that indeed you will discover, recognize and interpret in time, precisely what is meant by the term self-mastery.

Mary: This issue of slipping into depression, being overwhelmed by stress, being constantly challenged… of course I feel disconnected spiritually when this happens… and each time it has occurred I would go deeper and deeper into this state of being, if you will… then today I had an insight. I have always had what we term on our planet as a "Pollyanna attitude", or a faith and trust in the universe, in our guides, our teachers, in God to provide and ultimately to (work) with the freewill of all those involved to … I do not want to use the word manipulate in a negative way… but to make lemonade out of lemons, to make the best out of the choices we make… and so a "Pollyanna attitude" is one of faith, faith and trust in the universe that all things will work out for the best. Today I allowed logic to step in and stay that this attitude is illogical, or delusional, and so I have kind of given this attitude up, and when I gave it up, and when I gave my "Pollyanna attitude" up, gave up the "faith of a child", it was like letting go of safety line.

Sondjah: So, your question is?

Mary: My question is… is it delusional, is it childish and plain ignorant of me to believe that I do have teachers, angels and guides that do work to create the best outcome, without interfering with my freewill choice?

Sondjah: Certainly not, my dear. Let us begin by looking into what you have described as a "Pollyanna attitude". Such an attitude you perceive as being a "Pollyanna attitude" is not actually what we consider as being a "Pollyanna attitude". Such an interpretation of a "Pollyanna attitude" is delusional to a large degree. The "Pollyanna attitude" is not one based on alignment with ones divine indwelling, FAITH in divine overcare, and trust in our Universe Parents and their many caretakers to support you as you initiate steps that are in alignment with your indwelling Father Fragment. This Pollyanna attitude, in reality, is an attitude of entertaining illusion and a misconception of how the universe truly works. One who entertains a "Pollyanna attitude" is one who will sit back, unempowered, waiting for all to occur, blindly hoping that all will work out fine, refusing to understand that they are truly empowered to influence the outcome through their active participation. To allow oneself to adopt such wishful thinking has nothing to do with FAITH, trust or being an empowered part of the whole, but is rather the act of entertaining the illusion of separation and hopelessness that their actions have little or any effect upon the outcome.

But, my dear, in reality all does work out in the long run even though you may not always understand this, though not necessarily from a time perspective when observing life from the short-sighted perspective of a mortal upon a sin-tainted planet such as yours… unless one takes the initiative and allows themselves to become truly empowered. To illustrate an example of such let us use your earlier example of the four year-old girl who is raped. Such a traumatic violation of ones freewill will surely have its repercussions, and in the short-term, possibly even through the entirety of their mortal life, such an experience could be highly damaging to this individual. But if this one allows herself to become empowered, through living FAITH, DESIRE and exercise of the WILL, then she empowers herself to co-creatively utilize her traumatic experience to serve others, as well as herself. As an example, let us jump ahead to when this four year-old is forty and this formerly abused one is working with those young ones who have been similarly abused and traumatized. By having been through such an experience herself, she is more fully capable of relating to the deep wounds, pain, fear, emotions and feelings of helplessness and unworthiness that these younger ones may be experiencing. By allowing herself to become a conduit, or channel for the great love of our Universe Parents and Paradise Father she can touch the hearts and minds of these younger ones, allowing them to co-creatively and actively participate in their own healing through allowing their greater inner self to come into awakening and through living FAITH, DESIRE and exercise of the WILL, be about transforming themselves.

As you go further up into the universe in the scheme of progression, even to the mansion worlds, such afflictions eventually end up working out for the greater good of the individual and the whole, as those who have been violated choose to identify and examine their wounds, releasing them as they utilize their personal experience to serve and uplift their brethren similarly afflicted. As one goes through the mansion worlds and onto the system capital and constellation, all deficiencies and afflictions incurred as a result of the sufferings experienced on a sin-tainted sphere such as Urantia eventually act as blessings in disguise for those who choose to continue on. Yes, my dear, do know that as time goes on, all things work out for the better, but do know that upon this planet that such is not always apparent when viewed from the short-term perspective of a mortal lifetime.

Please feel free to continue with your questions.

Mary: All right, you are a mansion world teacher. On this level, the material level, depression is a result of fear winning out in the mind?

Sondjah: What you say is correct, Mary, as your intellectualizing is quite solid from an intellectual standpoint, but in reality, depression is nothing more than having ones freewill misaligned with the higher will resident within their indwelling Father Fragment. I speak in terms of the depression that you are currently experiencing.

Mary: So, my depression is a result of not being in alignment with my Father’s will for me?

Sondjah: Indeed Mary, but on the other hand… (Mary begins to speak)… and please Mary, I ask that you not interrupt, for you have asked a question and I am very interested in assisting you, my dear, but am not highly familiar with the language as it often used and want to convey to you most accurately what I desire to impart according to what you are asking…

Mary: Okay

Sondjah: This depression you are going through is a yellow flag, shall we say… one that surely has got your attention. This in itself is an opportunity for you to do as you are presently doing in seeking for answers. You are at this point looking for those answers from without, but as you proceed in this process you will find that all true answers to your current dilemma lie within. This is a highly opportunistic time for you to more fully come into contact with new self-awareness, clarification of spiritual vision, enhancement of cosmic meanings and divine values as you continue to ask "Who am I?", "What is my purpose for being here?". Rest assured that answers will come forth… in fact, they already are. You are, during this time, experiencing new awakening, Mary, and I encourage you to ask these questions with pure INTENTIONS and the utmost of sincerity, and allow your mind to expand into new levels of consciousness through the living, growing FAITH that you have discerned that indeed you best operate from. This is no cloud, this is no "Pollyanna" illusion; your FAITH is very real. It is your sublime hope… in fact, you can never reach any higher than your FAITH. Through your living, growing FAITH-led DESIRE to become increasingly aligned with your divine self, you allow great opportunity to unfold, enabling you to become that transformed beacon of light you so desire. You lack nothing. You need only ask and all answers will be revealed. Your level of consciousness will expand as you WILL this consciousness level to become expanded. It is up to you to take it upon yourself to utilize the keys that you have accumulated in your journey, acquired through your personal experience. You have a vast key ring of keys which you have accumulated upon your journey, and sometimes you will find that it takes one key to open a lock and at other times it will take three or four different special keys that you currently possess to open the lock.

Of course you will be adding new keys to your key ring as you venture out into the arena of life, challenging the unknown as you are about the mastery of your self. You have many that walk with you and many who hover over you that so desire to show you how to increasingly utilize these keys to be about opening great new doors of awareness. These loving caretakers of our Universe Parents will guide and assist you, yet never will they tell you what keys to use… but as you take the initiative and make those necessary steps, you will be shown which keys to utilize. The assistance will be there, as you exercise your living, growing FAITH, and through self-mastery become a master in knowing which keys to use.

Self-mastery goes beyond self-discipline, as you have perceived. Self-mastery has to do with the process of allowing oneself to ultimately become one with their indwelling Father Fragment. DESIRE and WILL allow this process to take wings from what was once clay. This process of self-mastery is most beautifully exemplified in the life that our Master Son, Michael, your Jesus, so fully lived upon Urantia. His ability to reach into the spectrum of consciousness as he developed increasing self-mastery became far beyond what most who walk upon this world at this time could ever imagine. And he was a mortal just like you. His self-mastery encompassed all areas of his existence, and it was through his mind that this mastery of self was achieved. Mastery of this mind through the domination of spirit permitted him to balance and maintain his physical being, allowing an appearance that was truly majestic. Spiritually, he was able to commune with his indwelling Father Fragment and later, after his baptism, with his Personalized Adjuster, celestials of various orders, Mother Spirit, Gabriel, and with any and all creatures in this local universe of his and Mother Spirit’s co-creation, plus Paradise personalities and other high universe beings.

He developed his mind to levels that only a few thousand upon your world of six billion have even slightly attained, but remember that when he was here he said that "all these things I have done, you too can do… and more". Self-mastery encompasses the FAITH-led mastery of all phases of ones composite being to the point of terrestrial mortal attainment, culminating, from a technical standpoint, in fusion and translation. So, as you FAITH-fully DESIRE you must WILL, and as you exercise FOCUSed WILL, all becomes... but the ideals you FAITH-fully DESIRE, WILL and ENVISION truly become empowered by LOVE and the INTENTION to serve. Assuming these factors are in place, you only need FOCUS with great intensity and as this FOCUS becomes more developed, your ENVISIONed ideal will truly come into manifestation.

This time of depression you are currently going through is an education and truly a potential teacher. You are on the right path and I am pleased to see that you are taking the steps that will allow you to lift yourself into new levels of consciousness, allowing you to attain higher levels of self-mastery, thereby becoming operational on whole new planes of relative reality.

I have attempted to keep my answers to your questions precise, but I felt it important to touch upon a few aspects that are intertwined here with your questions. I hope that I have been able to impart to your mind what I was attempting to convey, and do urge you to ponder upon my words, allowing all to be absorbed and assimilated.

Mary: So, the core of my depression comes from my being out of alignment with my Adjuster’s will for me and yet I have always sought clarity on what God’s will is for me. If that is the basis for my depression, it only sends me deeper into depression.

Sondjah: As I have mentioned, this is a very good time for you to take the initiative, take the bull by the horns, and allow yourself to reach into new levels of reality through your supreme DESIRE to know the Father that indwells you, your Universe Parents and those many caretakers who walk with you as a team. You only need FAITH-fully DESIRE and WILL that this ideal become so, and as you ENVISION this ideal, utilizing FOCUS, you are empowered to begin realizing whole new aspects of the magnificent divine being that you truly are. As you learn to release control from an intellectual standpoint and as a little child utilize the great FAITH that lies within your soul, my dear, I assure you that the you will awaken to a bright new morning. Yes, the night can appear very dark when the winds are high and the waves are crashing over the deck as your ship sways back and forth between the treacherous shoals and jagged rocks, but my dear, you are on the verge of a great new awakening, a beautiful dawning, and as you, with all of your soul, all of your heart and all of your might, reach within, allowing yourself to release these conceptualizations and give the analytical mind a time-out, you stand on the brink of great new self-awareness, self-consciousness, self-realization and God-consciousness. Go forth with renewed FAITH; FAITH in yourself . You know not at this point in your development how empowered you are.

Mary: This is true

END