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Marin TM Group


February 14, 2005

Dear Michael and Mother Spirit, We welcome You into our world and our lives, this world and these lives You have created for us. Help us to be loyal to You, and to ourselves, by helping us continue to grow, especially in the awareness of Your presence. Amen.

Mother Spirit: Good evening, My children, this is your Mother Nebadonia. What a great joy we share in our hearts together. I feel so blessed Myself to be an integral part of your lives, to be the connection with which you enjoy your human existence, moment by moment, as you go forward unafraid into what is truly unknown to you day by day. We of your celestial family salute your courage. Our hearts go out to you and We encourage you to be as open as you can be to feel this outpouring of reassurance to you. Be of great heart. Feel your heart beating with Ours, with Michael ’ s. Just as I am right inside of you, so your Creator Father is always beside you. It is His spirit which helps you distinguish what is true. And so We encourage you: use it! This is the only way you will know, yourself, its power and its quality. This is the way you know Michael himself. Use Him. Rely upon Him. Stretch yourselves so you actually need Him. This is your potential. These are the kinds of lives you are capable of living - if you have the faith and the trust. These have to be part of your completeness as a human being, otherwise they are only abstractions, hollow words with no real life, no real substance in them.

There will always be a measure of caution, even fear, in your lives, moment to moment, for you to pay proper respect to the preciousness of this gift. But better caution than fear; and this victory you achieve by paying attention. Actively seek for the way to go before it is forced upon you by the inevitability of God ’ s justice. So you go forward. You step off into the unknown with both caution and confidence, paying attention to every tiny detail of God ’ s creation, cherishing this limitless detail, this infinity of minute creation that presents reality instant by instant with an organic, living flow. In this sense you are right inside of, and part of God ’ s body, and it is all alive.

This openness, this paying attention to every detail, builds up a kind of spiritual maturity, an appreciation that is a true blessing for it leads the way to an ever fuller reality, a growing reality, an ever deeper reality for you. As Michael said last meeting, you start out as youngsters from a philosophical plateau of abstraction, principles, and generalities. These you pick up from the culture around you. This is the well-meant wisdom passed on to you by your parents and your elders. But in time you begin to flesh out these generalities and abstractions with your own unique experiences. Here your growth is, in a sense, one of getting down to earth, welcoming and appreciating the unique detail in each moment, each event, while trying not to be daunted or overwhelmed. This is how you grow from the general to the particular. And God himself makes a record of this as your soul. Just so your philosophy - your comprehension of yourself and your fellows - grows rich and full. Certain desirable qualities of your youth, such as patience, give way to an ever more tenacious attention. You will experience this as reality becoming more fulfilling and attractive. You will not be put off by mistakes or unexpected happenings so much, but will more effortlessly embrace these with delight and even, perhaps, an irony and wonder at God ’ s creativity.

This continuous creativity of His will become more apparent. You will find there is less and less need to hang onto yourself so tightly as you relax into this perception of a living, sustaining, supporting reality. This can be a kind of homecoming - how it feels as you recognize this is what you were meant for, this world was made for you. You will actually be coming home, My children, for the first time. This will be a true discovery in which you yourself played a creative part. When you find this within yourself, this is what We have called - home base. It will seem, strangely, as if this is where you started from long ago, even when you are discovering it for the very first time. This is the transcendent quality of Michael ’ s peace in your heart. This is the treasure you have been seeking. This is the awareness of your own completeness, lacking nothing moment to moment – still - as you continue to grow. Call it the two-hundred-percent-ness of God ’ s reality if you wish. This is why no one will dissemble their surprise or their joy once they have found it. This is the story of each personality – each unique personal creation of God ’ s – finding himself or herself deep in His bosom where they have always actually lived.

Yet how do you find this? How do you realize it when it exists everywhere you go? It is the platform, if you will, from which you encounter all else. So it is most easily recognized, for the first time, as what is left when everything else is allowed to fall away - when there is just you, and Michael, and Myself, and our Father. So this is not a lonely place, My children. This is the Company you have always sought, and yet, ironically, in seeking, you have so often lead yourselves astray. It is only when you summon the courage to let everything else go that you find yourself at this home base of pure existence, complete, and in good Company. We encourage you to pay the cost in letting go part of your ordinary life, your familiar routines, your usual activities; let these go so that we can find each other - here inside. We are always here, My children, and it is Our greatest delight when you are able to recognize this. So practice your stillness. Let it be a growing, deepening thing in your life. Use it. Use it to find Us, and once finding Us, use Us too. This too is Our delight. When you extend yourselves out so far that you actually need Us, and trust Us to be there, We will never fail you. You are Ours. And We are truly yours.

Thank You, Father, for these My children. Help them realize that I too belong to them. I am their Mother, and this is My realm! If you have any questions or comments, My sons, I am here for you.

Student: Mother, I noticed in this last week and a half or so that the bubble of familiarity I live in has been leaking a lot of familiarity lately, and that I ’ m noticing that underneath all that is a basis of … I don ’ t have a word for it … but there was a solid base - when I lost a lot of the way I normally lived and surrounded myself with – there was a … something there. I think the Urantia Book has a saying about " uncertainty with security "… well I certainly am uncertain, yet I feel secure. The question I have is, when You say give up all else, I don ’ t quite understand what we give up. What is there to give up?

Nebadonia: Yes, C, I was trying to give you a feeling of what it is like on the inside as you settle into your stillness. The first thing you give up is the time itself in which you might be doing something other than practicing this profound effort of stillness. Then, as Michael mentioned last week, as you become more spirit-sensitive, you will necessarily, unavoidably, begin to reevaluate what you are doing day to day. This can become so intense, you can become so full of doubt, that you may be wondering what to do next - moment to moment! How am I going to get through this day? - when this feeling of truth that I ’ m tapping into offers me visions of just how much of my life is only a habit - how little I am aware of, from one day to the next, what I am beginning to accept on faith is God ’ s continuous creation?

Some things of great interest, once in your life, may suddenly appear as of little value. Other things, other relationships may appear hollow or meaningless. Some new activity might suddenly seem very interesting and call to you: follow me! Try this! So this is all within your stillness meditation. These are the events, the real events that can happen to you if you are determined to keep growing, if you have faith that somehow, somewhere within you is an enormous untapped potential created as part of you. And now comes the greatest paradox or irony of all. You accomplish this not by over-stressing and driving yourself, but with the courage to relax, the courage to accept that - as a human being - you are taking just your first few steps in eternity. You have the ability as your birthright to let go these valueless things. So in your stillness you think deeper and deeper towards this home base of contact with Spirit, and as you do, your inner reality becomes more and more full. You realize the truth of your own completeness as God ’ s creation. When it is time to reengage with your day to day reality, you ’ ll find that something carries over from your moments of stillness, and now it takes courage to act on the insights you just had, to reevaluate what you are doing, to let go those things which no longer seem so valuable, and to seek for, and follow those things which have new life for you. Does this help you understand what I was pointing at?

Student: Yes, Mother, it does - quite clearly. A lot of things that I was interested in most of my life, I find myself no longer interested in any more. They don ’ t hold value for me as they once did. I notice a lot of things that I have collected over the years no longer have any appeal to me, and I really don ’ t need them. And a lot of things I do, I ’ m beginning to find out are very appealing, although I have difficulty in sustaining my interest … my ability to keep doing stillness is one of them – difficulty sustaining it daily. Something seems as though it comes up and I just forget about stillness, so that later in the day, or in the evenings, I ’ m too tired to do it now. And that is one of the greatest challenges I have … is just that. I ‘ m very committed to spiritual growth, and have been all my life; and it is happening. I truly appreciate Your input, and Your and Michael ’ s support in my life. I truly appreciate it.

Nebadonia: Well, My son, I think it would help, now … your next step is to think of stillness in less formal terms. You remember Our invitation once, just to practice this at any odd time of the day, even for a few minutes? Just sit down, close your eyes, and think, " Hello, Mother. Here I am, checking in. " Any time at all - if you are tired, use this as a way to regain energy. This is why We say home base is most easily found by relaxing, by letting go your cares and concerns and worries if only for five minutes. As you put it, take a break! Deliberately put a break in your ongoing activities. This gives you a chance to recoup yourself, to let all those concerns go, and create an opportunity for something totally new to occur to you. This is especially helpful for what I might call time-of-day habits. At a certain time of day you do the same old thing over and over again. Say, in the evenings, you do a certain habitual thing, so your evenings are more or less lost to you. It is just the same thing happening as last night and the night before, and there is no opportunity here to make this a memorable night of something new. Does this help?

Student: Yes Mother, it does - quite a bit. I feel these habitual things, especially in the evenings, are more or less just to fill up the time, as opposed to doing anything. I do it in the daytime too. And I had forgotten about the small meditations, the small stillness times during the day. I ’ ll start doing them! Thank You, Mother, I appreciate it.

Nebadonia: You ’ re welcome, My son. You will find that as you get out of the trap of thinking of stillness in too formal a way, you can do it anytime it occurs to you. The more times you follow this impulse to take a break, the more and more it will occur to you. This becomes a way of staying in touch with home base all through the day, anytime it occurs to you – driving your car, at your work - anytime you can give Me a little smile and say, " Thank You, Mother! What a life this is! " And be in My love.

Student: Mother, I ’ d like to thank You for the breakthrough with my boy A. He ’ s been able to convey to me the tremendous fear he has of this sudden ( … ? … ) occurrence, and I take that as an increase in his possible trust in me, but also my readiness to hear it, and I would just ask for further advice on that subject. Thanks.

Nebadonia: Yes, V, My son, I sense a openness within you, and this openness is along the lines of welcoming ever deeper insights as to what it means to be a father. As I said during our last meeting, this is an archtypical relationship, one that you can very lovingly use for the growth of both of you. You have it within you to know, to intimate what is needed in this situation. I remind you this is a spiritual dimension. It is something that, like your meditation and your recent efforts at communicating with your celestial teachers, you find by relaxing and being open to the whole surrounding situation - a divergent type of consciousness as contra-distinct from a convergent one. This is not easy to do right when you are face to face with your son - seeing him clearly, really hearing what he has to say, and at the same time being open to other spiritual input that is there for you. But this is something we can do for those we love. It is not exactly a detachment - it is a very warm-hearted, truly loving thing not to get caught up in an overly-familiar, habitual type of relationship - just because you are father and son. So seek to use this relationship for the growth of both of you, and at the same time, seek above all to be a true friend. Does this help?

Student: Yes, Nebadonia, it is a big help. I feel it will help me persevere over time and expect the unexpected. My communication with A is more a near equal plane because of Your spirit, and I ’ m gratified for both of us. So thank You. Nebadonia: You ’ re welcome, My son. I think you will find that you will often need to lead the way, and so I ’ m suggesting a way of staying open and keeping the relationship open, keeping the conversations open for something new to happen. Keep yourself open to spiritual suggestions, and imagination, for often you will have to provide the connecting link to the next thought, the next insight. And don ’ t forget to tease a little. Lead your son up to the brink of the unknown and hold his hand while he leans over. Encourage him to be open by example. Let him experience your creativity. Show him how other human beings create their own reality, right along with Us. Then let him make the leaps of faith and imagination from time to time. Just as We do with you: don ’ t do for him those things he needs to do for himself, but rather point him right at them, and then stand by his side. And be in My love.

Student: It ’ s just an experience I had over the weekend, which I wrote in my journal, and it ’ s like before I had this understanding for enlightenment, so to speak, I ’ d go through this period of visceral darkness where I could feel this energy building up inside of me. And it ’ s hard to be with myself in these moments, or have others be around me; and I know it ’ s hard for them. Because it ’ s like I want to just be in the moment and not necessarily analyze this, but allow it to work its course though me. And then I came to the understanding, as I was writing, this is not a fun place to be in. I really don ’ t know what it is. As I was writing Sunday morning, what I was feeling – this intense pressure in my gut – I felt like this anxiety, this pervasive anxiety that I felt, this trepidation, of taking that step forward, moment to moment, and it ’ s like if I totally let go myself and let go of my control of everything in my life, then as I wrote in my book, I ’ d be left out in the cold, that something terrible would happen to me – if I totally let go of myself. As I allowed myself to express this in my journal, something suddenly clicked in me, and the dark pressure went away. This understanding changed something in me. It ’ s like I want to let go of this bubble of familiarity, because it no longer works for me. I desire to open up to the original intention of God ’ s vision of who I am. But there ’ s still this hesitation because I fear that if I let go, my faith will be tested more and more. But I also understand that I do have to take the next step.

Nebadonia: My son, I think it is very good you are keeping this journal. It helps you remember and appreciate all the little steps involved on this journey that I congratulate you on. You are well launched. I encourage you to take these small steps. I think you have a very righteous caution, and a distaste for grand melodramatic gestures, and this is very wise. You may feel this as a reluctance to just let everything go, or to lose what you feel is all self-control. Respect this caution. Use your journal to pay attention. Also I would suggest - this anxiety you feel, this emptiness and this thick darkness? - this is your system, your whole physical, mental, and spiritual system mobilizing the energy that it takes to do what you ’ re doing - to reevaluate your life. You are now sensing when you are between steps. This is good because you are getting more sensitivity within you. You can actually feel when you have stepped off with one foot and yet the other foot has not yet landed. This is where it takes faith to step off and to feel that gap in the middle. Then your foot lands on new ground, and you heave a little sigh of relief that you have made it once again. And this is all very real. This is a growth of sensitivity, that you can feel this and not just deny or blank it out. Because to feel your whole system mobilizing the energy to face the challenge, is an acknowledgment of the reality of the unknown. Carry on, My son. You ’ re doing fine.

Student: Sometimes I feel … I question too much because I feel this is my life, and I want to enjoy it, I want to live as I was intended to live. As we talked about several other times, the concept of earning a living, and You mentioned this is a man-made concept, but what are the other alternatives? What other ways of living, of being on this planet? A friend of mine said today, " When you are in Rome, do as the Romans, " I don ’ t buy that! I don ’ t want to live that way! I see what goes on in this world and I don ’ t want to live what I see out there. I want to live what ’ s in my heart, and God ’ s vision for me and every human being. We are expressions of God. God is living and breathing and creating through us. I want to be all that I am. Nothing less will be the same. I want to be saved. I am being launched and there is no turning back. And I don ’ t want to turn back.

Nebadonia: Here, My son, is where you are growing a faith in yourself. Understand that as you achieve more and more freedom, you yourself, through the creative power of your own spirit and imagination, will be choosing the way you go - as a facet of this freedom.

Student: But I feel like I ’ m afraid of this power, and that ’ s why I feel I hold back from the responsibility.

Nebadonia: And this is why I advise you to take small steps, and your journal ’ s a way of reflecting on these steps as you take them; and also to read and re-read the steps you ’ ve already taken. This gives you another sense of where you are. Beyond this, the stillness can become even more valuable as a way of relaxing this drive momentarily and reminding yourself: who is launching you? Is something driving you, or is it your own ambition? If your own ambition, how wise is this? How do you evaluate the need to evaluate? This is where stillness is so precious indeed - to let even this go, and relax, feel Michael ’ s peace. Don ’ t feel guilty at all – none whatsoever! Refuse to be driven. Feel the peace deeper and deeper. Do not fear to come to a complete stop. Let even this momentum that you ’ ve built up - stop. Just breathe. Be aware you are not keeping your own heart beating, My son. Your Father is holding it all together, really. Most simply it is: what do you want to do? And this is a bit scary.

A week or two ago you put a whole lifetime in a sentence. So be aware that these abstractions have little meaning - of going to school to learn a job, to go out and work, to live a life, to prepare to die and go on to the next stage: remember? What about each day ’ s fullness? This is what I meant earlier this evening about realizing what level of generality or abstraction you are on. And seeing with a growth of maturity the fullness within each moment, the completeness within now – this particular little project right in front of you: whatever. This is where I advised C that all of this is not accomplished by driving yourself, with stress, but by relaxing. You are slowly earning the trust in yourself. Do you remember that too awhile back, My son? You are truly earning it . And it will always be admixed with some caution. And this is OK. This way you keep the proper respect for the Source of everything. I have said there is a true adventure happening just one inch in front of your nose, so give yourself credit for the courage to perceive it. As Michael said last week, the causalities are those who have ceased to reevaluate their lives and so, tragically, age so prematurely because of it. How much life do you want? And be in My love.

G, do you have any questions or comments this evening?

Student: No, It ’ s been … resplendent and enjoyable, and very peaceful.

Nebadonia: Thank you, My son. We are always here for you. Michael lives in your heart, and I am your connection with life itself. You are truly in My love.

My children, thank you again for your devotion, for your attention, for giving yourselves so fully to Me. This is your Mother, Nebadonia, Mother Spirit to the local universe of Nebadon. You are in My love, always. Good evening.