Nebadonia, Mother Spirit
Think of Your Thought Adjuster
April 11, 2005
Marin TM Group
Dear Michael and Mother Spirit, Thank You for Your Presence in our lives, reminding us of this dimension of spirit. We thank You too for Your words we can read over and over as part of our daily meditations and so, enjoy once again Your viewpoint on our human condition - ever hopeful and full of joy, ever certain of us and our love for You, now we know who You are. Amen.
Good evening, My stalwart and loyal children. I do appreciate the value you give to these meetings and to your increasing ability to feel My presence, both on these Monday nights and in your day to day lives. By now you should be able to feel Michael’s and My presence any time you wish to tune in to Us. This is a subtle thing, this realm of spirit we share together. Even though it can become more and more distinct and even surprising in its intensity, sometimes - for you do not always know why it fluctuates so - so too you may find it hard to say exactly when this awareness of Our presence began. For We were always here.
Tonight I would like you to think of your Father fragment - the living presence of God in your minds - in much the same way, for He has also been with you going back to your very earliest memories of three or four years old, trundling along on your little legs, looking up in wonder and awe at the enormous world about you. He’s so much a part of you, His guidance and direction so much a part of your lives, that He is the mysterious missing link. If you look back and wonder what it was at this juncture and parting of the ways, or that decision which led to another new adventure, He was so often this influence and the connection which has tied your life together, part of the motivating force that got you to where you are today.
There is still, for most of you, somewhat of a separation between your self-aware consciousness - your perception of yourself - and your souls. Indeed you can look forward with an expectation of unimaginable joy and delight when you encounter this enormity of yourselves on the Mansion Worlds. This contact will be so much easier then for the sensitivity of the discreet bodies you will inhabit, plus the whole Morontia organization of plant and animal life which will then be surrounding you, the lower forms of angelic personalities you will immediately be able to perceive, and the marvel of each others’ natures as you become so much more spiritually transparent to one another. All of these factors, along with an increased ability to perceive Michael and I, will help you contact the enormity of your souls and their co-creator Who lives in you now - with all His creative abilities. Michael and I, and your Urantia Book delineate so much of this Morontia phase not to tease you to exasperation, or give you any desire to prematurely cross over to that shore, but so you can realize just how much of this soulful reality already exists in your earthly life.
I will offer you a spiritual exercise. Some morning, say tomorrow, when you wake up, pretend to yourself as sincerely as you can that you have died and are reawakening on Mansion World number one. Look around in wonder, then meditate awhile and practice some of the exercises We have given you to feel your bodies anew as enormous, without inner spatial limitations, so your appreciation of all this still mysterious, squirming life within you can allow you to grasp the fact that, physically, you are even now nothing but a persisting pattern of energy. For this is true. Your own understanding of molecular and atomic reality informs you it is so. And just Who do you think created and evolved this pattern that you are?
What is this persistence of the pattern? Can you appreciate the tenacity of this pattern as it persists and will persist through all the evolution in store for you across the endless millennia to come in your lives? It is not for nothing We say you are already part of the divine Deity Absolute. Though just beginning, just starting out, you partake of absolute reality in the very fact of your existence. You are this persistent, evolving cosmic reality and, in this sense, these oh so fleeting and ephemeral-seeming experiences you have will outlast the planet you are walking around on, the sun you see coming up in the morning. Ironically, Urantia and its sun will live on in you long after they have ceased to exist themselves.
Yes, My children, We are very certain of you. A great part of Our delight is seeing the surprise with which you discover yourselves. And so We wish to share - with you - as much of this assurance We have - of you. While at the same time We know it is your own deepest need to earn this assurance for yourselves, step by step, one day’s experience at a time. So never feel belittled or small or impatient by Our assurance of this enormous potential you have.
Rather, never fear to rest to let the momentum you have sometimes thought you needed to build up - to carry you along day to day - never fear to let this momentum come to a stop. You have an ability to re-birth yourselves, of waking up in the morning and pretending for the sheer delight of it you have died overnight and are just sitting there marveling at what surrounds you, and starting out fresh all over again. This is your beginners mind. This is your spiritual ability to reassess your life and help your values evolve - based on an ever growing soul.
Think what a marvel it is that a fragment of God himself is keeping the journal of your experience. He is so close to you, and so much a part this life you have known all these years, it’s hard to distinguish Him as a separate entity. For this very reason you, as a personality, do not have to struggle to maintain your true past. Rather, We would have you question and analyze this momentum you feel you need to carry you along. How much of it is based on anxiety, or a fear of not keeping up with someone else’s notions of who you should be, or your own previous and already outdated notions of what today’s life should be?
Just as We have asked you to ask yourselves before: Who is doing the pushing? What is the cost of this in impatience, or anxiety, or the loss of perceiving who you are in your completeness - this persistent personality experiencing and growing, just beginning your eternal journey. A reflection on the constant enormity surrounding you, within and without, and realizing all your fellow human beings live their lives too in this fundamentally unfathomable reality, is what can give you that saving grace of affection for yourself and each other. How can you not love each other when you perceive the tenacity with which you all struggle so hard to realize – to make real for yourselves - this profound mystery constantly coming at you? So enjoy how much of this affection comes from Us as your loving parents, and how so much too this is generated right within your own heart. This is really what holds human society together - and it too is growing. The recognition of this affection, this supreme love across all the minor divisions of the human race, is growing as never before. So when you awake each morning, We invite you to look around with open hearts and share in this blossoming springtime on Urantia.
If you have any questions or comments this evening, let us share them together.
Student: Mother, How can I experience You, Michael, and my Father fragment more on a daily basis? Maybe more each day - that I am able to experience and recognize for what it is.
Nebadonia: Yes, C, part of the irony of your human situation is that you do not realize that your very desire to contact Us is so much of the contact itself. So credit this yearning you have which comes, not from any training you have undergone, or religious dogma you’ve been indoctrinated in, but rather from a sincere desire to get beyond any such automatic knee-jerk kinds of reaction, into Our realm of spontaneity and creativity and love. Think of it this way: you are most able to perceive and enjoy Us when you are consciously sharing Our nature with Us.
Do you remember My invitation to actually try to imagine something new, to exercise your spiritual power to create a new possibility for yourself, and then experience what it’s like to go out and do it?
Student: Yes, I remember, but I don’t think I’m able to do it.
Nebadonia: Well, perhaps you’re too ambitious. You’re thinking of something too grandiose. What I mean by this is to try even…something small, some little two- or three-hour project within your freedom of movement. It doesn’t have to take the whole day, or days on end.
Michael and I have been trying Our best to convey to you the nature of real freedom, that you experience only by doing it. You can’t just think about it. This is a delight you have to earn, simply because this is its nature; plus - you are capable of it. Have you spent much time deliberately meditating on what you might do in, say, the next few hours, even if it’s something as simple as taking a walk in some part of town you’ve not been in before?
Student: No, I hadn’t thought of something that simple. It seemed like something way beyond what I could do. But I can do that easily.
Nebadonia: Yes, this is why We suggest starting small – maybe some little hobby you’ve always felt you never had enough time for, or maybe you’ve felt you are too late in your life to begin something new, and have forgotten you are just starting in eternity, My son.
Student: That makes a great deal of sense to me, put that way. I keep thinking I’m near the end, but it’s only the beginning.
Nebadonia: Exactly. You are now face to face with your own self-limiting notions.
Student: Yes, but how do I get rid of these self-limiting notions? Because I self-limit myself quite a bit.
Nebadonia: This is easiest done by seeing them as continuing patterns from the past which can fill up your whole inner self. But they can be arrested by providing something else to take their place. Tomorrow go out and start walking through some new reality, which is one reason people like to go traveling to new places and meet people in a whole different encompassing of plants and animals and smells and climates; this is one easy and popular way of stepping into a new world.
Student; Yes, I see that.
Nebadonia: So start small with time-of-day habits: in the evenings turn off the TV and go for a walk or a drive or a visit or a project – anything novel to get some feedback. In so many areas you have already thoroughly chewed over your past life. Catharsis is good by reliving parts of your past and being healed, but there comes a time when you have handled these old objects enough, and all the vast analytical powers of your mind need something new to work with. Don’t forget other people – the kind you call strangers. Much of your over-familiarity is with the people you’ve known for a long time, so it’s good to go out and meet new folks.
You can respond afresh to familiar things; but at this stage of your getting started again, most easily to fresh situations. I encourage you to read and reread the lessons on freedom and creativity to thoroughly understand the dynamics involved, and point yourself in the right direction. Believe Me, My son, you will know when you have stepped over that line. This takes nerve - so be not afraid. This is what you are looking for. This is what your own inner wisdom tells you you need. This is the new food for your soul. This is why We ask you to see it as a real adventure – to be honest with yourself.
Student: Thank You very much, Mother. This is something I have not done – I have not been doing. I can see how rereading some of the lessons will actually be a new thing for me – if I don’t know them all that well.
Nebadonia: Yes – take another walk in Our neighborhood for awhile. (Laughter) Then go out and walk some in a new physical world too. And be in My love.
Student: Yes, Mother, the context of what You have said tonight makes so much of our lives so trivial, and at times arduous – or…unnecessary because of societal points of view of what needs to be done. Today I was thinking about God knowing what we need before we do. But if we are - in His eyes - already complete, there are no needs. I had a hard time with that idea. It’s like my whole body couldn’t accept that. I moved on to something else, but I did write it in my journal. It just seems like so much of what we allow ourselves to experience – things we have to do, or think we have to do because society says we have to – how it has to be: but it doesn’t have to be that way. There’s another whole way to live, to expand beyond the boundaries of my physical being – that You expressed tonight. It’s hard because there’s that tinge of nostalgia that comes over me – that bubble of familiarity You speak of so often – it’s hard to let go of, and sometimes it’s nice to fall back into. But then…that’s boring! It doesn’t add to my life, or excite me anymore. I’ve actually been experiencing boredom the last couple of days, and this is rare for me. So I was wondering today, if God created us in His image, what was His initial intent of how we were to live on this planet? How were we supposed to spend our days?
Nebadonia: Well, My son, again I must confess how tickled I am to see your increasing ability to stay on the very tipping point of your personal moments, and feel all these subtle little tugs pulling you this way and that, yet sometimes missing the irony that your answer is articulated right within how you think of the problem.
One of the reasons We ask you to read and reread these lessons over and over is so you can realize that what you may be thinking of as mutually exclusive things are actually two living aspects of a single, albeit complex reality. For example, completeness and need are not mutually exclusive. We say you are complete because you are an absolute reality in the very fact of your existence. You absolutely are, completely here in a profound way that few human beings can appreciate or realize fully. We assure you of this because many people live in anxious dread, not of death and rebirth, but of annihilation, feeling their very existence to be problematic. So when We say you are not only complete, but capable and needful of growing, you may wonder with a false, purely-material analogy: how can you add to something which is already complete? But this is the nature of time and God and all that He creates – all the living personal beings, and the physical cosmos itself. All this has an absolute and complete reality in Him, and - it is All growing. You feel this personally as a pressure to grow, to create your way out of being stuck in inertia or boredom. As We have said, this was given you as part of your nature, not to plague or harass you, but to enable you to grow. You need good nutrition for your bodies, new concepts and realizations to keep your intellect and understanding growing, spiritual rest and nourishment to keep your values evolving; while a fragment of God himself is keeping a record of all of this happening.
Yes, God knows what you need before you do, and is working with you to provide this, but while an intellectual idea of what you need can be instantaneous, the fulfillment of that need may take time. Some of your immediate physical needs require your planning and day to day work so you can exchange your thinking power and labor for food and shelter, transportation and clothing. Spiritually you will always have the necessity to reevaluate all the living aspects of your life. This might seem like a cruel irony – that the more you are capable of feeling how alive you are, the more you will also feel this need for more life. Yet if this were not so, and it is not for some of your fellows, how deadly bored and short- and shallow-lived you might be. This is why We encourage you to stop and rest, however momentarily, then exercise your increasing ability to begin again. For this is how you slough off the old callused skin of unnecessary habits. Of course! - you will reemerge ever more tender and sensitive, ever needful of these abilities to rebirth yourself yet again, and again. Get used to it. Realize the marvel that there is no end to this. You will never outgrow your need to grow further – ever. Welcome to Our nature. Welcome to what Jesus experienced in His human life. Just keep going, My son. Even your phases of painful boredom have their purpose. These are spiritual evaluations. This is why it takes courage to feel, and faith to see the wisdom in the need to feel.
Student: I guess, Mother…a few thoughts. I guess it’s like an art-form to feel this life even during the most mundane activities. I guess my idea of need contains the ideas of wanting and desiring, and they all get mixed in together. When I am in those moments of boredom, is it better to be in that place and see what is going on within me, or around me, or to, like maybe, better to meditate or be in stillness? Or do nothing at all?
Nebadonia: Again I would say: all of the above, at different times. This is not something you can know beforehand. So We point to a spiritual quality of decisiveness, an ability to take control of your life and make decisions – truly right in the situation. At times it may be better to feel the full intensity of boredom in order to have this self-motivation devise make specific recommendations. This takes a decision: Yes, I will feel this terrible, intrinsically painful thing called boredom so it can inform me how I got here – what precisely is boring in my life, and what might I create to supplant it?
Student: Isn’t that the key right there?
Nebadonia: This is the need to create your way forward, not only in the middle of a problem, but also at leisure - when circumstances – internal and external – are not demanding you go this way or that. Will you do the same-old thing, or will you seize the moment and enjoy your freedom by doing something decisive? At these moments you may realize a oneness of need and desire. What your heart desires may be what you need – or not. This is yet another decision which you need all your hard-earned wisdom to influence.
In this you have My Holy Spirit adjutants of worship and wisdom to assist you. So feel Me and Michael’s Spirit of Truth in a process of stillness - to relax and open - arresting the same-old habits from the past which offer to carry you along and kill time, so you can spiritually wonder anew: What do I want to do? What do I need to do? If this suggests that so much of human activity on Urantia would best come to a crashing halt, to be reevaluated: yes! - this is the point. The long evolution of society, as delineated in your Urantia Book, is one of expanding this personal, individual freedom of creativity - starting with the primitive tribes where superstitious taboos and mores rigidly controlled every tiny aspect of everyone’s life.
You ask about God’s plan. From a human standpoint, temporal reality is complex – both actual and potential: so it contains His seemingly double nature of: no plan at all in the fulfilled completeness of His spontaneously created present moment – the eternal Now that actually is; yet which also contains an increasing potential – His plan if you will - for more future growth – His sharing reality with an increasing number of His children. This sharing is the essence of what We mean by the word divine. So if you could decide to share your life even more with your brothers and sisters, I think you will find a fulfillment that makes His plan obvious. This is the affection, the wonderful love that is the very soul of the Supreme Being, that you are capable of feeling and sharing too. It is how one and one makes three, for He will be there with you two. And this above all, My son, is how you can feel Me as well.
Do you have any more questions or comments this evening?
Student: I think I’ve got quite enough for tonight! (Laughter)
Nebadonia: Then let us say, Amen - let it be so. Come visit with Me here in these words…often. Let Me renew you. Let Me challenge your concepts. Let Me tickle your imagination. Feel My appreciation for the nerve it takes for you to keep growing. Deeply, deeply trust your Father’s wisdom in creating the overall situation that requires you to use your nerve. You need faith to make the full potential in your natures come to life. So be in My love.