Group: Nashville, Tennessee
Topic: Letting Go Of Your Expectations
September 09, 2001
Ham: Greetings, children, I am Ham and I am happy that you have each come here this evening. Tonight our discussion shall be about letting go.
It is difficult to understand that many problems and hardships in life are caused by the inability to let go of old patterns of thinking, old expectations, and old ideas. Human beings tend to hold onto their tried and true patterns, the thought patterns that brought them to where ever they are now. It is exactly then that the old thinking can be dangerous.
Life is full of change and it requires constant readjustment of thought to be successful in one’s endeavors. People tend to become comfortable with patterns of thought and then to want to require the rest of the world to conform to their thinking rather than making adjustment to conform to others in the world.
Relationships require constant adjustment. In a healthy, vibrant, growing relationship there must be change and adjustment all the time. All relationships require this. Everyone is changing in imperceptible ways all the time. So each relationship you have requires these adjustments and adjustments require sensitivity.
The best way you can let go of your old thinking is to really listen to the other person and incorporate a new sensitivity to that person’s needs. Many times we come to relationships with expectations and we require that person to fulfill them. This is a sure way to ruin a relationship. Whether it be business or personal, all relationships require constant readjustments.
Usually, people base their view points upon past interactions and so they bring to each new encounter the old expectations. When you change up the dynamic by being different, being more multidimensional, it requires the other person to respond in like manner and keeps the relationship fresh and interesting.
Most of life consists of human relationships. Learning to let go of your expectations is the best way to keep your relationships alive. This is much of what true living and happiness is about. Letting yourself change is happiness. Stifling change breeds unhappiness, whether you stifle change in yourself or in another person, it always leads to unhappiness.Growth requires change. It requires letting go of the things that served you in the past but may not serve you now. It is a difficult thing to do. For everyone gets into patterns that are comfortable and soon those patterns become a jail without you realizing it. You can be suddenly restricted in surprising and disappointing ways by not changing and allowing your natural growth.
It is hard when you have received harsh or unfair treatment from someone not to feel, that that will happen again and to bring those expectations with you. But, the wise thing to do is not to bring them with you. In human relations, it is best to be open and free at every moment, not restricting yourself nor restricting the other person with your expectations. This is not to say, of course, that self control is not important. We are only speaking of expectations.
Remember that each person sees the world through their own eyes not through yours. You cannot expect others to embrace your vision of the world for they have their own vision and their own understanding which is valid for where they are in their growth. Letting go of expectations is probably the most difficult thing to learn, but it will help you to bring out your own creativity and that of others.
Sometimes, it is hard to live up to your own expectations. You want to be a certain way or achieve a certain thing and then fall short and feel defeated in your own eyes. This is something that must be released. When you let go of your expectations, you release the chains that are holding you back, the chains that can drag you down.
More people are stifled by their expectations for how they should be, how they should look, how they should act, what they should accomplish, and so forth than anything else. You all want to mold yourselves instead of letting the Father mold you. When you release your expectations, then you can be spontaneous. Much happiness is found in spontaneity, much growth and forward motion is found in that genuine connection with yourself that can only be had when your expectations are released.
Many of you have accomplished things in the past and you feel you have to come up to that level again. But, you may be limiting your scope in thinking about what it has to be or what you have to do. When you can genuinely say, "Father, for today just let me be me without requirements, without expectations, let me simply be the best me I can be", then you will find that spontaneous, creative self and this is what will bring you forward.Don’t be a slave to your own thinking and your own expectations. Release those chains and see what happens. Are there any questions at this time?
Q: I have a question regarding letting go of our expectations. I understand how that would work for me in certain instances, but if I have a goal or something that I want to achieve, if I feel like it harms no one and it would benefit me and others around me I do expect to achieve it. I am confused, can you explain a little more on that.
Ham: Yes, There is a difference. The setting of goals is always good, but you also have to be open so that if things go one way or the other you are able to adjust to this change and not simply be crushed by disappointment you see. It is wise to set goals in a general way, but not be so focused on something specific that you can be crushed and disoriented if that particular thing doesn’t come through. It may be that the goal is a general direction. In that way, you can adjust to all the different relationships and opportunities that occur.
Q: Ham, may I have a personal message and one for Amalain too please?
Ham: Certainly, my son. You are doing well and are learning many lessons, many deep changes are occurring that are allowing the growth that you need. The growth itself will bring about the things that are needful. As I have said many times, spiritual growth is the main mover of your lives. Spiritual growth allows changes in all the other aspects of your lives. You are becoming much more balanced and this balance will allow even more growth. Be at ease with yourself and understand the necessity for these things, this period of growth. All is well.
Amalain, my daughter, be also gentle with yourself. You have a tendency to secretly berate yourself to withdraw and internalize problems. You also have some tendency to want to give up when the going gets tough and this you have begun to overcome in many ways, but still it is there. Life is full of the unexpected. Be willing to roll with the punches, to not make a personal defeat or a personal problem out of things that don’t need to be. Be at ease with yourself. Remember the exercise of saying in the mirror to yourself, "I love you and I think you are wonderful just the way you are right now". Bring this back in. Forgive yourself and the forgiveness for others will come easily.
Q: Ham do you have any counsel for me tonight?
Ham: Certainly, my son you do well. Life has thrown you some curves in recent years that you are coping with and learning from very well. Remember that there is always a core of hopefulness if you look deeply enough. Sometimes that core gets obscured by the difficulties of life, but it still remains and is something that will keep you steady in times of turmoil. Balance is important as is rest, and relaxation. You do well, be at peace.
Q: Ham do you have a personal message for me this week?
Ham: Certainly. My daughter, you are doing very well. You are learning and growing through this experience. You are wise to make adjustments that are necessary and are finding a way to be more and more authentically yourself. Remember that the camera is like a microscope and sincerity and genuine emotion is what connects you with your audience, unseen as it is. Release your expectations, be spontaneously you and all will be well.
Q: Ham, do you have anything for me this week?
Ham: Certainly, my son, you also do well. You are working strongly in new, creative directions. Yes, you are finding also your authentic voice. You are also finding that tact gives you great leverage in achieving goals with other people. Remember to listen closely to others and be sensitive to what is expressed. This will help to guide your expression and create smoother relationships. Sometimes when you see something, you see it and then want to express what you see immediately. But, it is wise to consider all the other factors before always wanting to interject some point or some truth that you see. Truth is always power and having power requires self-restraint.
Q: Ham do you have any help for me tonight?
Ham: Certainly, yes my son, you do well. You are finding much acceptance and much unexpected understanding lately and this is wonderful. You are someone who needs to express yourself and it is very good to have acceptance of your self-expression and true understanding. Emotional acceptance is a wonderful thing. Everyone needs to feel secure emotionally, to feel accepted and valued. Remember that when you give that kind of acceptance to others that others will give it to you in return. You must accept it and this is something that is a little difficult for you.
You still have some trouble accepting your own emotions and so it is sometimes difficult for you to bridge that gap and connect completely with others. But, gradually, this is getting better and it is wonderful to see.Q: Ham do you have anything for Rebecca?
Ham: Certainly, daughter, you have come far but still you have some difficulties with impatience and this you must curb. Have patience with yourself. Give yourself the room you need to continue with your creative work. You don’t need to push so hard. Find your own rhythm to your life and be happy, for you do well.
Ham: Certainly. My son, you do well. You are finding yourself adjusting and changing without much effort. You are gaining new insights into yourself and what it is possible to achieve. Remember to be very open in these next few weeks. Be open to your creativity, be open to seraphic changes and manipulations, be open to joy and peace. You are doing very well. Have comfort.
Q: From Zura0208, a relative of Cathy Nakos
Our dad passed over to the other side on 1/10/99 and I can’t help feeling that since he was so afraid of death, he hasn’t crossed over as yet. I try to reach him through the Father, and I am unsuccessful. Also, can you let me know if he is with our mother and at peace with himself.
Ham: My child. Have no concerns. The mechanism for passing over is one that is tried and true. No one falls through the cracks or is passed over for this journey. Of course your Father is at peace. He is cared for greatly and is completely enveloped in love. Your mother also is just fine. Put away your fears and concerns about your loved ones and know that you will be reunited in the future and on that happy day, much healing will occur. All is well.
Q: From Melissa, a friend of Flash’s "Am I doing all right in this life and in what areas should I focus on improving?"
Ham: Daughter, it is wise that you reach out in this manner. There is no human being so perfect as to not require some improvement. I would say that it is important to listen to my words each week and have an open heart and mind applying these lessons sincerely as you go forward. The things that you may think require work may not be what is necessary. Spiritual growth is unconscious, it is not something you can hammer out and mod to your liking. Growth in the spirit is growth toward to the Father, he will pull unto him what is needed. Have no fear, for you do well.Q: Do you have a message for Esmerelda?
Ham: My daughter, this is a time of great emotion, great emotional release, and requires much rest and relaxation. You have been through two severe trials and it is important for you to recover your health at this time. Don’t push yourself at all. The body requires rest and this is what is important.
Q: Do you have a message for Elaina?
Ham: Certainly, my dear, you have come far and are growing and developing in ways you had not anticipated. This is fine. Be easy with yourself. Practice spontaneity, release expectations, and grow in the spirit.
Q: Do you have a message for Charlie B?
Ham: Certainly. My son, you are doing well. Remember to require patience of yourself, to walk humbly with the Father having patience with yourself and others. You are making progress in loving yourself. Continue to require this also. Require forgiveness and require love from yourself. Don’t condemn yourself and then let it go. If you find yourself condemning yourself for whatever reason, turn it around and require forgiveness and love as well.
Q: Do you have any feedback for me?
Ham: Of course my son, you are doing very well and are also making progress in loving yourself. It is true that the more you can love yourself, the more loving you can be with others. I would give you the same advice I gave Charlie. Don’t allow yourself to get away with subtle condemnations. You still have a tendency to beat up on yourself and to be quite rigid in your expectations for your achievements. So loosen up and release the burdens you place on yourself. Require self-forgiveness. We will discuss this more in depth at a later date.Are there any further questions? Very well then, until next week my love and my prayers are with you each, farewell.